tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3558626592486709042024-03-05T00:55:48.880-08:00Bancuri buneStatisticile spun ca noi romanii suntem printre cei mai nefericiti oameni. Incearca sa zambesti citind un banc bun in fiecare zi.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-35821837205055157542014-10-10T00:47:00.001-07:002014-10-10T00:48:26.934-07:00Fizicienii<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Alo ?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Da !</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Institutul international de astrofizica, spectroscopie nucleara, prospectiuni intergalactice, studiul quasarilor şi determinarea universurilor ciclice cu structura toroidala?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Da, noi suntem !</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Cu Gogu de la cazane, va rog.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">La un examen de fizica. Profesorul foarte prost dispus. Intra prima studenta.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Duduie, e vara, sunteti într-un compartiment de tren şi va este foarte cald. Ce faceti?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Studenta foarte bucuroasa de simplitatea intrebarii raspunde:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Deschid fereastra.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Perfect, va rog sa calculati viteza cu care intra curentul de aer în compartiment, temperatura de afara şi presiunea atmosferica.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- ?!?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Pica examenul. A doua studenta pateste la fel. Intra şi a treia studenta, care intre timp aflase despre ce era vorba.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Duduie, e vara, sunteti în tren, în compartiment, şi va e foarte cald.Ce faceti?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Îmi dau jos bluza.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Dar totusi va e cald.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Îmi dau jos fusta.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Inca va e foarte cald.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Îmi dau jos sutienul, chilotii, tot, raman goala.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Şi dacă inca va mai este cald?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Domnule profesor, şi sa stiu ca mă f*t cu tot trenul, dar fereastra aia tot nu o deschid!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Profu' de fizica o întreaba pe Alinuta:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Stii care sunt cele doua cuvinte pe care le folosesc cu precadere elevii?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Nu stiu.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Exact! Astea sunt!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Intr-o celula trei detinuti discuta:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Tu cum ai ajuns aici?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Ce dracu sa fac, jaf şi viol. Dar tu?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Nimica toata, sa moara mama, am sutit din cateva case, am omorat doua babe. Da şi aşa mureau ca erau batrane rau şi am mai sutit din buzunare.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Da tu ba? Ce-ai facut?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Fizica nucleara.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Doua oltence colege de banca, în timpul tezei la fizica.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Una sopteste, usor agitata, către cealalta:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Auzi, nu mi-e clar la problema asta cu vitezele, cat fu T1 la tine?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Pai... cam zece minute, cred...</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">***</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Un student la Politehnica intra la examenul de Matematici si, fără nicio discutie, pune pe catedra o sticla de whisky. Examinatorul priveste sticla şi spune:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Satisfacator!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Studentul mai scoate pe catedra şi o cutie cu bomboane de ciocolata fina.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Examinatorul:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Bine!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In sfarsit, studentul pune deasupra cutiei cu bomboane de ciocolata şi un stilou aurit, de firma. Examinatorul:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Excelent!... Si- pune nota în catalog şi în carnet.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Vizibil multumit, studentul strange totul de pe masa spunand:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Acum va rog sa mă scuzati, trebuie sa mă retrag fiindca mai am de dat şi Fizica!...</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">***</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Examen de fizica la politie. Subiectul: Fenomenul ionizarii. La sfarsitul examenului il intreaba unul din politisti pe colegul lui de banca din timpul examenului:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Ma tu ai stiut?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Perfect!- raspunde acesta.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Sa-ti dea D-zeu sanatate zice primul, inseamna ca am stiut şi eu, pentru ca am copiat cuvant cu cuvant de la tine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Enervat şi ingrijorat politistul care stiuse îi spune celuilalt:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Idiotule, cum ai putut face una ca asta, acum o sa ne prinda şi o sa ne pice pe amandoi!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Fii serios, îi raspunde cel care copiase, n-o sa se prinda nimeni pentru ca am mai şi schimbat şi eu pe ici pe colo. De exemplu unde tu ai pus ION, eu am pus GHEORGHE!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In avion: un domn şi o fetita.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Domnul zice: Ce-ar fi sa stam de vorba?, se pare ca timpul trece mai repede conversand.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Bine, zice fetita inchizand cartea pe care abia o deschisese, despre ce ati dori sa vorbim?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">- Pai, zice domnul, o tema interesanta ar fi despre fizica atomica nu crezi? şi surade superior.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- De acord, dar intai vreau sa vă intreb ceva: O vaca, un cal şi o oaie mananca acelasi lucru - iarba, dar oaia excreta niste bilute, vaca o placinta, iar calul niste mingi uscate. Cum vă explicati fenomenul?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Habar n-am, zice domnul, minunandu-se de inteligenta fetitei.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Atunci cum vreti sa vorbim de fizica atomica dacă nici despre cacat nu stiti nimic???</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-7916362412259794452014-06-26T03:36:00.000-07:002014-06-26T03:46:15.872-07:00Bancuri mortale<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="FR">Un evreu din Rusia primeste permisiunea de a emigra in
Israel ...</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="FR">La granita, rusii ii controleaza bagajul si gasesc
impaturit intre haine un bust al lui Lenin si-l intreaba:<br />
- Ce e asta?<br />
Evreul:</span><span lang="FR"> </span><span lang="FR"><br />
- Ar trebui sa intrebati CINE e asta, nu CE e asta... asta e Lenin, cel care a
pus bazele socialismului si a adus bunastarea poporului rus.. si l-am luat ca
amintire a zilelor de prosperitate...</span><span lang="FR"> </span><span lang="FR"><br />
OK, il lasa rusii sa treaca.</span><span lang="FR"> </span><span lang="FR"><br />
Pe aeroport in Tel Aviv, granicerii gasesc bustul lui Lenin si intreaba:</span><span lang="FR"> </span><span lang="FR"><br />
- Ce e asta?</span><span lang="FR"> </span><span lang="FR"><br />
Evreul:</span><span lang="FR"> </span><span lang="FR"><br />
- Ar trebui sa intrebati CINE e asta nu CE e asta. Asta e Lenin, nenorocitul din
cauza caruia am parasit eu Rusia si l-am luat cu mine ca sa am pe cine sa
blestem in fiecare zi.</span><span lang="FR"> </span><span lang="FR"><br />
Il lasa si astia sa treaca... Tipul se duce acasa, pune bustul pe raftul unei
biblioteci si la o petrecere organizata de familie cu ocazia sosirii sale, un nepot
vede bustul si intreaba:</span><span lang="FR"> </span><span lang="FR"><br />
- CINE e asta?</span><span lang="FR"> </span><span lang="FR"><br />
La care evreul ii raspunde:</span><span lang="FR"> </span><span lang="FR"><br />
- Ar trebui sa intrebi CE e asta, nu CINE e asta si r</span>aspunsul e: 10 kg de aur! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span lang="FR">Profesorul de
anatomie: - Spune domnisoara, pe canalul vaginal exista cili?<br />
</span>Studenta: - Da!<br />
Profesorul: - Cum sa existe cili domnisoara, ca s-ar gadila penisul si ar muri
de ras!! Off!!!!<br />
Treci la subiectul al doilea!<br />
Studenta: - Despre organele genitale masculine. Deci, ele sunt alcatuite din
doi corpi cavernosi care in stare normala au lungimea de 15 cm, iar in erectie
au 30 cm!<br />
Profesorul: - Auzi domnisoara, dumneata ori esti proasta, ori a dat norocul
peste tine!<br />
</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">***</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
<br />
Vine un tip la doctor:<br />
- Dom'le doctor, iata care e problema mea... In fiecare seara visez ca se
apropie de mine doua fete superbe, se dezbraca incetisor, se vara la mine in
pat, incep sa imi faca sex oral.... iar eu, sa vedeti, le imbrancesc, le dau la
o parte si atunci ma trezesc in sudori ca dintr-un cosmar...<br />
- Si ce vreti sa va fac? intreba nepasator doctorul.<br />
- Va rog... amputati-mi bratele.<br />
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<br />
In urma unui accident, un tip se alege cu "mandria" zdrobita complet.<br />
Chirurgul sef al spitalului la care este dus ii spune :<br />
- Domnule, ai noroc. Avem un sortiment bogat de organe din care sa iti alegi
unul pe care sa ti-l transplantam.. Ce zici de asta, 12 cm, hm ?<br />
- Hai, domn doctor, ce naiba, sunt om serios, am eu fata de 12 cm ?<br />
- Atunci asta, la 18 centimetri ?<br />
- Fii domnule serios, 18 cm ? Ce, sunt pustan ?<br />
Vine doctorul cu o alta oferta:<br />
- Dar de asta de 32 de centimetri ce zici ?<br />
- Ei , da asa mai merge. Dar acelasi model, pe alb, nu aveti ?<br />
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Alinuta de ce ai adus papagalul la scoala?<br />
Pai l-am auzit pe tata spunandu-i mamei:<br />
,,Dupa ce pleaca copilul la scoala iti fac praf pasarica"<br />
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<br />
Intre prietene :<br />
- Inchipuieste-ti draga , Gigi m-a invitat la el sa ascult un CD, dar patul
scartia asa de tare ca abia se auzea muzica !<br />
</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">***</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
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O tipă şi un tip stăteau de vorbă. Ea se prezintă:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">- Ma cheamă Carmen<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">- Ce nume frumos, mama dumneavoastră a avut inspiraţie când vi l-a
dat!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">- Nu, mi l-am dat singură, pentru ca îmi plac maşinile si
barbaţii....Car.....Men. Curioasă, ea întreabă:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">- Dar pe tine cum te cheamă? - Beerfuck!<br />
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<br />In tramvai:<br />
- Domnule, va rog, pot sa iau loc? sunt insarcinata.<br />
-</span><span lang="FR" style="color: navy;"> </span><span lang="FR">Poftiti. felicitari! si cand s-a intamplat
fericitul eveniment?<br />
- Acum cinci minute dar inca imi tremura picioarele !!!<br />
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">***</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
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Cand m-am nascut aveam doua variante : sa fiu baiat sau fetitza. Am ales-o pe
prima ca am preferat sa termin de supt dupa 1 an decat sa ma apuc de la 14.</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-86904135430031116142014-06-23T04:20:00.002-07:002014-06-23T04:20:16.451-07:00Scurte , scurte ....<div style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- Iubitule, de ce alergi mereu la fereastra de cite ori incep sa
cant?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- Ca sa vada vecinii ca nu te bat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ce gandesc un optimist si un pesimist despre criza economica
mondiala?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Optimistul: Vai, vom ajunge cu totii sa cersim...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Pesimistul: De la cine?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">O adunatura de spermatozoizi alergau ca la un maraton.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dupa ce au alergat un timp indelungat seful lor se opreste si zice:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">− Stop, opriti-va, degeaba alergam, am fost dati in gat!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Primul barbat care s-a
insurat poate fi iertat: nu stia ce-l asteapta.<br />Ceilalti n-au nici o scuza. </span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*** <br /> <br />Care-i lucrul cel mai inteligent pe care-l poate spune un barbat
? <br />Asa cum zice nevasta mea.... </span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">***</span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Domnule doctor, cred cã am probleme cu ochii.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- De ce credeti asta, domnule?
<br />- Pãi, de cînd m-am cãsãtorit nu mai vãd un ban prin casã...</span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***</span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ce fel de restaurant este acesta?
<br />Supa nu mai este, tocanita nu mai este, salata nu mai este.
<br />Ada-mi, te rog, paltonul.
<br />
-Nici paltonul nu mai este.
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Doi politai discuta:
<br />
-De ce iti tot freci mainile?
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
-Ca mi-e frig
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
-Da' de ce nu-ti bagi mainile in buzunar?
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
-Acolo mi-s manusile...
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Alinuta:
<br />
-Mama, daca o sa fiu cuminte cand o sa fiu mare, o sa am si eu un sot?
<br />
-Da, fetita mea!
<br />
-Si daca nu o sa fiu cuminte?
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
-Atunci o sa ai mai multi... </span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*** <br />
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
Doua blonde la dus:
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
-Da-mi te rog samponul tau!
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
-Dar ai unul langa tine.
<br />
-Stiu, dar asta e pentru par uscat, si eu am parul ud!
</span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***<br />
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
Gigi Becali este intrebat:
<br />
-Cainele dvs. este de rasa pura?
<br />
-Pura.
<br />
-Are si arbore genealogic?
<br />
-Nu e nevoie, il foloseste pe cel din curte! </span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***</span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">O blondă ia cina împreună cu soţul ei:
<br />
"Auzi iubitule, mi-a spus azi un coleg de serviciu un banc cu
blonde. <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
Am râs de era să cad jos din pat!"
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Soţia: E bună ciorba?
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
Soţul: Ai chef de ceartă?
<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8wry9oLy5m9NJSmGMoXr-Zckst0gbhMVUL61V0s4QfWzoi7jj5uc0Sq2iA2Xdykyn9mR9O_IuT-bsZx_EO-HXF-G3dCle9s9_I_t8cp7fJNF80pa3OWQwUD5R_E1lfzII-E_QuC68fos/s1600/DOVADA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8wry9oLy5m9NJSmGMoXr-Zckst0gbhMVUL61V0s4QfWzoi7jj5uc0Sq2iA2Xdykyn9mR9O_IuT-bsZx_EO-HXF-G3dCle9s9_I_t8cp7fJNF80pa3OWQwUD5R_E1lfzII-E_QuC68fos/s1600/DOVADA.jpg" height="480" title="Dovada" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Dovada ca aici s-a intamplat ceva. Oare ce ?</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-84808403780576973412014-06-19T06:16:00.001-07:002014-06-19T06:16:03.983-07:00Turisti nemti in Romania<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrC-8ZqbiV7V-YV5N_6kFeWehvtf-jzxuiQspIf7Kp8GCepoTc57HXE7Ept-gxHt8A8YE7HSJn2tbUfP7Ui2SCPJKmnzZRUZ-HbHUxuL19OE1qU_edeZTAgDt-8UpxM8-taH6n0u_Ux7Q/s1600/nemti.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrC-8ZqbiV7V-YV5N_6kFeWehvtf-jzxuiQspIf7Kp8GCepoTc57HXE7Ept-gxHt8A8YE7HSJn2tbUfP7Ui2SCPJKmnzZRUZ-HbHUxuL19OE1qU_edeZTAgDt-8UpxM8-taH6n0u_Ux7Q/s1600/nemti.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> Un grup de turisti germani intr-o excursie in Romania prin Muntii
Carpati. La un moment</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">dat se aude un urlet infricosator: UUUUU -UUUUU -UUUUU!!!!!!!!!!
Speriati si curiosi,</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">isi intreaba ghidul despre ce este vorba. Ghidul le spune, glumind,
ca la noi, in </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Romania, exista un grup de femei foarte frumoase care in momentul
in care le vine timpul </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;">de imperechere se aduna intr-o pestera si isi inalta strigatul
hormonal in asteptarea </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;">masculilor.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> Peste doua zile, cel mai titrat ziar din Germania scria cu litere
de-o schioapa: “15 </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;">turisti germani au murit calcati de tren intr-un tunel din Romania.
Toti erau </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;">dezbracati.”</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-39291946185393427432014-06-18T06:33:00.002-07:002014-06-18T06:35:41.095-07:00Iarna in Caraibe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaaW5EMD1nUWaD9Ox8c27y8kiRPQ-eHcmJ1yh1C2zJZsw4_ZJXFIeb5mOjykUk7GRLJ06auSKdOlaUCxjbCbfnOp6bxnC_iOAC4r3eU5pUgAePAmiNUmCzVGgow8-4Sjm7YbsD9xqjT9U/s1600/scula+mare.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaaW5EMD1nUWaD9Ox8c27y8kiRPQ-eHcmJ1yh1C2zJZsw4_ZJXFIeb5mOjykUk7GRLJ06auSKdOlaUCxjbCbfnOp6bxnC_iOAC4r3eU5pUgAePAmiNUmCzVGgow8-4Sjm7YbsD9xqjT9U/s1600/scula+mare.JPG" height="320" width="184" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>O femeie pleaca, fara
sotul ei, in vacanta in Caraibe. <span lang="FR">Abia ce ajunge si face cunostinta cu un negru
aratos. Dupa o noapte de amor inflacarat ea il intreaba:</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span lang="FR">- Cum te cheama?</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span lang="FR">- Nu pot sa-ti spun, ii raspunde el.</span><span lang="FR">In fiecare seara ei se intalnesc, fac dragoste, ea il intreaba acelasi
lucru iar el ii raspunde la fel.</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Intr-o seara ea ii spune:<br /><span lang="FR">- Este ultima mea seara aici, maine plec acasa. O sa-mi spui totusi cum te
cheama?</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span lang="FR">- Nu pot sa-ti spun, ca o sa razi de mine, zice negrul.</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span lang="FR">- Hai zi, ca nu rad, nu am de ce!</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span lang="FR">- Binee... Pe mine ma cheama Zapada.</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span lang="FR">Tipa incepe sa rada mai sa se sparga, la care negrul furios:</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span lang="FR">- Eram sigur ca o sa razi de mine, mai bine nu-ti ziceam...!</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>- Nuuu, ma gandeam ca sotul meu nu o sa creada cand o sa-i spun ca am
avut 30 cm de zapada in fiecare zi in Caraibe!</i></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-1594014258033336982014-06-18T06:17:00.003-07:002014-06-18T06:17:40.448-07:00Dresaj canin<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9pENPNgbVpR7D3L2tKFgkMWW6HcY3QHOIJ50Imppd8hyWPNMhMIh8_1nJavSzaGb38nDo0URfX4m3nxwoK4BXwLyH1bL3fB0z8KTll6__2v3po8IsXlRqGJxKCie8RZGNxDYQ8GG7zHg/s1600/catel+frumos.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9pENPNgbVpR7D3L2tKFgkMWW6HcY3QHOIJ50Imppd8hyWPNMhMIh8_1nJavSzaGb38nDo0URfX4m3nxwoK4BXwLyH1bL3fB0z8KTll6__2v3po8IsXlRqGJxKCie8RZGNxDYQ8GG7zHg/s1600/catel+frumos.JPG" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Un macelar
vede intrând în magazinul sau un câine cu o bancnota de $10 si un bilet pe care scria: "10 antricoate de miel, va rog."</div>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
Amuzat, ia banii, pune
antricoatele într-o punga în gura câinelui, si închide repede magazinul. Îl
urmareste pe câine si vede cum opreste la culoarea verde a semaforului, se
asigura în ambele sensuri si traverseaza
în statia de autobuz. Câinele verifica lista cu orarul si se aseaza pe
banca.</div>
</span><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
Când autobuzul apare, se uita sa
verifice numarul autobuzului, apoi se urca.Macelarul îl urmeaza perplex. Dupa
un timp, câinele se aseaza în fata, se pune pe labele din spate si apasa
butonul "stop", iar macelarul îl urmeaza afara. Câinele alearga pâna în
fata unei case si lasa punga la intrare. Se întoarce pe alee, mai
face o cursa, si latra catre usa. Si latra, si latra. Nici un raspuns. Atunci sare pe
perete, alearga în jurul gradinii, se bate cu capul de geam, sare, si
asteapta din nou la usa. Un tip masiv iese înjurând si bombanind câinele.</div>
</span><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
Macelarul începe sa strige la tip, "Ce dracului faci? Câinele
asta e un geniu!"</div>
</span><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><div style="text-align: justify;">
Stapânul îi raspunde, "Geniu,
pe dracu'! Este a doua oara saptamâna asta când îsi uita cheia."</div>
</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-31464467955910217252014-06-17T03:53:00.003-07:002014-06-17T03:53:35.615-07:00Si noi .... si vechi<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSi2YN3UheR0dA7aK0jm_rAJtgTQhIK-pQ0vDP3AFaVznx_ppG5p_oKXISvG-vhBxh-0kyiZ3MF_eMtvYFGLNmxbzkCiSL1DUsJikRR267Jnue4h_hHnZGUF5PlYV9FIbMS-FQGYLyLDQ/s1600/multa+apa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSi2YN3UheR0dA7aK0jm_rAJtgTQhIK-pQ0vDP3AFaVznx_ppG5p_oKXISvG-vhBxh-0kyiZ3MF_eMtvYFGLNmxbzkCiSL1DUsJikRR267Jnue4h_hHnZGUF5PlYV9FIbMS-FQGYLyLDQ/s1600/multa+apa.jpg" height="320" width="319" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 12pt;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Iubitule, îmi iei alt telefon mobil, te rooog?! <br />- Păi, celălalt ? <br />- Celălalt îmi ia o tabletă! </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />* <br />Fiul meu de patru ani m-a întrebat zilele trecute: <br />- Tati, tu ce ţi-ai dorit mai mult, un băiat sau o fetiţă? <br />- Fiule, sincer să fiu, eu mi-am dorit mai mult să mă distrez! </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />* <br />La înmormântarea unei femei, pe marginea gropii stăteau soţul şi amantul femeii. Amantul plângea cu lacrimi fierbinţi. Soţul femeii îl consolează impasibil: <br />- Hai, linişteşte-te, o să mă recăsătoresc!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />*<br />Un ascuItător întreabă la Radio Erevan:<br />- Pornind de la ideea unanim acceptată că extratereştrii ar fi mult mai avansaţi tehnologic ca noi, de ce nu ne-au vizitat până acum niciodată?<br />Radio Erevan raspunde:<br />- Pentru că au primit coordonatele planetei noastre de la STS şi încă ne mai caută!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />*<br />- Ai auzit ca in Bucuresti , un om e calcat de masina la fiecare jumatate de ora ? <br />- Vai, dar ce-or avea cu bietul om ???</span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />* <br />- Tata, spune-mi,de ce barbatii de la noi nu pot avea mai multe sotii,asa cum e in Africa ? <br />- Esti inca mic, fiule. Cand vei creste, o sa intelegi ca intr-un stat civilizat legea ii apara pe oameni... </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-19146670015834515142014-06-13T06:23:00.001-07:002014-06-13T06:23:09.731-07:00Zece zicale .... <div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">1.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Daca
cineva rade - razi impreuna cu el!<br />
Daca
cineva canta - canta impreuna cu el!<br />
Daca
cineva lucreaza - lasa-l sa lucreze<br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">2.<br />
Omul nu e
facut sa munceasca!<br />
Dovada:
faptul ca oboseste.<br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">3.<br />
Daca tatal
tau nu este milionar, nu ai nici o vina.<br />
Dar daca
nici socrul tau nu este milionar, atunci nu ai nici o scuza!<br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">4.<br />
In vin e
puterea.<br />
In bere e
sanatatea.<br />
In coniac
e distinctia.<br />
.... iar
in apa sunt microbii!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 12pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">5.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">Cand
o femeie nu vorbeste, sa n-o intrerupi pentru nimic in lume!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">6.<br />
</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">Dragostea e oarba, dar casatoria ii reda vederea.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">7.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Daca vrei ca sotia sa te asculte cind vorbesti, vorbeste cu alta femeie.
O sa</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">fie numai ochi si urechi.</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<br />8.<br />
</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">Cand esti inteligent si cand esti intelept?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">Esti inteligent daca nu crezi decat jumatate din ceea ce auzi; esti
intelept</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">daca stii care jumatate!</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<br />
9.<br />
</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">Mintile ilustre discuta idei, inteligentele medii discuta evenimente,
iar</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">mintile reduse ii discuta pe altii.</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<br />10.<br />
</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">Oare de ce exista atatea organizatii impotriva hainelor de blana si nici
una</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">impotriva hainelor de piele?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">Probabil pentru ca e mai simplu sa hartuiesti femeile bogate decat
gastile de</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">motociclisti.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc_MDKbPnfD3pdWd6qLxpTXgC8XQ9k5DHgg5WqD3rxuIllM3USCTn1FLgUUE5L4bFc25MsCTs7vkQ7WmKpi4Yg_QcAhCbsbnE75oRC_ULPjFbKekA669n3WVtJmv2sdhXA7A54-cjyjNI/s1600/chiloti+2014.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc_MDKbPnfD3pdWd6qLxpTXgC8XQ9k5DHgg5WqD3rxuIllM3USCTn1FLgUUE5L4bFc25MsCTs7vkQ7WmKpi4Yg_QcAhCbsbnE75oRC_ULPjFbKekA669n3WVtJmv2sdhXA7A54-cjyjNI/s1600/chiloti+2014.JPG" height="640" width="548" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-33990220131601465052014-06-11T23:59:00.003-07:002014-06-12T00:00:10.620-07:00O blonda .... <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><br />O blondă, răvășită şi extenuată, se prezintă la medic:<br /><br />- Domn doctor, pe lângă blocul meu sunt o grămadă de câini care latră toată noaptea…<br /><br />- Nici-o problemă, nu sunteți primul caz, luați aici somniferele ăstea, or să vă ajute enorm.<br /><br />Peste două săptămâni blonda se-ntoarce distrusă total. Doctorul,perplex:<br /><br />- Nu înțeleg, mă așteptam să vă văd proaspătă și odihnită…<br /><br />- Odihnită!?… După ce-alerg toată noaptea după câini?… Și când prind câte unul nici d-al naibii nu vrea să-nghită pastila! </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-64581696450636983832014-06-11T23:56:00.000-07:002014-06-11T23:56:22.766-07:00Varsta a treia<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Care sunt avantajele
daca ai depasit varsta de 55 de ani ?</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">1. Cei care rapesc oameni nu mai sunt interesati de tine.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">2. In caz de luare de ostateci tu vei fi intre primii
eliberati. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">3.Nimeni nu se asteapta</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">de la tine ca sa alergi </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">undeva.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">4. Daca seara esti sunat dupa ora 21h00 esti intrebat
<< Nu te-am trezit ?>></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">5. Oamenii nu se mai intreaba daca esti ipohondru.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">6. Nu mai exista nimic de invatat pe calea cea mai grea.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">7. Lucrurile pe care le cumperi acum nu se mai uzeaza.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">8. Poti cina si la ora 4h00 dupa-amiaza. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">9. Poti trai fara sex, dar fara ochelari nu.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">10. Te angajezi in discutii serioase despre sistemul de
pensii.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">11. Depasirea vitezei legale nu mai e o provocare.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">12. Nu mai incerci sa-ti sugi burta daca cineva intra in
incapere.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">13. In lift canti impreuna cu difuzorul</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">14. Ochii nu ti se mai strica.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">15. Incheieturile iti prezic vremea mai corect decat
Institutul National de Meteorologie.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">16. Platile facute catre asiguratorii de sanatate in
sfarsit incep sa-si arate roadele.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">17. Secretele tale sunt in siguranta la prieteni deoarece
nici ei nu-si mai aduc aminte de ele.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">18. Nu-ti mai aduci aminte cine ti-a trimis mail-ul
acesta.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">19. Ti se pare reconfortant ca literele din acest mail
sunt destul de mari.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="IT" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">20. Poti trimite aceasta lista la toate persoanele de
care iti mai aduci aminte.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-15666909365973779022014-06-11T23:54:00.000-07:002014-06-11T23:54:43.330-07:00Vis<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Dupa un accident rutier, victima, un barbat, se trezeste puternic ametit
si</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">intreaba buimac:</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">- Unde sunt? Doar n-am ajuns in Rai?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">- Nu, dragul meu, doar sunt aici langa tine, ii raspunde linistita</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">nevasta-sa...</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-40264828803579597782014-06-05T04:40:00.003-07:002014-06-05T04:40:29.463-07:00Asul din maneca ... si altele<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp8vXOOeq3NJhOzA1R7wezDhvPFWYGOSGSpPPUR16yzKIExUTR_QW0uEsOMDaWTRQo25eOAVKbQZnupcnvyyLUoxUvsdK_w4z7uwxn-couYCFAFl-HCm00li5xfO1t0ArtG32z-5EblvA/s1600/image0022.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp8vXOOeq3NJhOzA1R7wezDhvPFWYGOSGSpPPUR16yzKIExUTR_QW0uEsOMDaWTRQo25eOAVKbQZnupcnvyyLUoxUvsdK_w4z7uwxn-couYCFAFl-HCm00li5xfO1t0ArtG32z-5EblvA/s1600/image0022.gif" height="176" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZsygo1MFyQ0_ym9aD3L4BBxGFrkzqAWy5c-ZvdhLYoKGEGEXCstUqk6Qhjz2RHBq6Rx2Gq8LVEJ47rlGC7SqC-NCRcC-PE_3vVfUbG6pFK9OEmuz4P13fcyfdNMxHPgkAWAjByMAQTF4/s1600/001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZsygo1MFyQ0_ym9aD3L4BBxGFrkzqAWy5c-ZvdhLYoKGEGEXCstUqk6Qhjz2RHBq6Rx2Gq8LVEJ47rlGC7SqC-NCRcC-PE_3vVfUbG6pFK9OEmuz4P13fcyfdNMxHPgkAWAjByMAQTF4/s1600/001.jpg" height="425" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnhT_HSkulVYNzpLx9s2PdO7wRTOToUWamUZcgit5kGbaFpNbMCAizuHi6Q-n7fXPIxOSu_zRZuPWnSF_6X5R668ukuEXs6gwmkw18m0-rzfZXQALtlWfImA8l3U-TNXb-ZJtwewm4mJ0/s1600/002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnhT_HSkulVYNzpLx9s2PdO7wRTOToUWamUZcgit5kGbaFpNbMCAizuHi6Q-n7fXPIxOSu_zRZuPWnSF_6X5R668ukuEXs6gwmkw18m0-rzfZXQALtlWfImA8l3U-TNXb-ZJtwewm4mJ0/s1600/002.jpg" height="640" width="336" /></a></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-81660560672251889762014-06-05T04:30:00.000-07:002014-06-05T04:30:42.120-07:00Sapam santuri<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzM9BhAacBUyJZWB04Xb6XxyOifyWzMJ79Y5tuZhF2PFNSoV0N2uL4av2LrdmIiSKIWikm9BfKDHQrSZCXv50CbzBk6vSwAuUIoLGqBRk2i0e65mGESejxSrHNXalN7yjbxjfTKcc3HIc/s1600/sapa+sant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzM9BhAacBUyJZWB04Xb6XxyOifyWzMJ79Y5tuZhF2PFNSoV0N2uL4av2LrdmIiSKIWikm9BfKDHQrSZCXv50CbzBk6vSwAuUIoLGqBRk2i0e65mGESejxSrHNXalN7yjbxjfTKcc3HIc/s1600/sapa+sant.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Un oltean se duce-n vizită la un prieten din
Moldova. Ies ei la o bere şi stînd la masă văd doi muncitori: unul săpa un şanţ
cam de 40 cm lăţime şi 60 cm adîncime; la cîţiva metri în spatele lui, celălalt
astupa groapa... Olteanul nu se poate abţine şi-i întreabă pe cei doi care-i
treaba. Unul din ei răspunde:<br />
- Dom'le, în mod normal. echipa noastră e formată din 3 oameni: unul sapă
groapa, altul pune cablul, iar cel de-al treilea o astupă, numai că ăla de
punea cablu' este în concediu...</span><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-60310129800911923622014-06-03T06:13:00.002-07:002014-06-03T23:34:23.593-07:00Importanta centurii de siguranta<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg13B0usdBOx_qXdjuDY4zAUq-M437iprIZnL-PaT2OGYuQGN7C39C65RR9roKuFLJln4gTXrDWBf5ZzKruWF0dodPyuXjyQ_YzcCWoH_QQSfHdYbNIrt8aMF_X1c4VgFUS26FUJH_Ze5Q/s1600/centura+de+siguranta.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg13B0usdBOx_qXdjuDY4zAUq-M437iprIZnL-PaT2OGYuQGN7C39C65RR9roKuFLJln4gTXrDWBf5ZzKruWF0dodPyuXjyQ_YzcCWoH_QQSfHdYbNIrt8aMF_X1c4VgFUS26FUJH_Ze5Q/s1600/centura+de+siguranta.jpg" height="292" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;">Politia rutiera, la locul accidentului, explica intr-un interviu TV despre</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;">importanta purtarii centurii de siguranta:</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;">- Uitati-va la acest om care nu a purtat centura: capul rupt, intestinele pe</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;">parbriz, ochii in pom, fara maini. In schimb, uitati-va si la cel care a purtat</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;">centura: parca-i viu!</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;"> </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-11825616703068874332014-06-03T06:10:00.000-07:002014-06-03T23:34:23.590-07:00 La puşcărie<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij6S0Cn6GOlNdZzLnbu4nN4qKVgglF3a4k7h4Vt5T_N7rFN3QYT0_a0ZKKpNH1KbL-MxwjPFIzojNLVEsH1Zos1o8u-z7AkgHZ1Bs0OO60i2HWDxO5NEq9JGGUjQJ4FxzJJiFYeDmwOGM/s1600/0004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij6S0Cn6GOlNdZzLnbu4nN4qKVgglF3a4k7h4Vt5T_N7rFN3QYT0_a0ZKKpNH1KbL-MxwjPFIzojNLVEsH1Zos1o8u-z7AkgHZ1Bs0OO60i2HWDxO5NEq9JGGUjQJ4FxzJJiFYeDmwOGM/s1600/0004.jpg" height="420" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">-
Cât ţi-au dat?<br />-
20 de ani!<br />-
Pen' ce ?<br />-
Pentru o găină!<br />-
Cum aşa?<br />-
A scurmat a dracu' şi a dezgropat-o pe soacră-mea</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-73486423195886849262014-06-03T05:51:00.001-07:002014-06-03T05:51:24.695-07:00Iată ce înseamnă cu adevărat: "SUNT FIERBINTE !"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9CyRt7qU_xGV8yk2QZH543P4WUiOnHPxTgi9sz_t6CKHX6ezjHAbxlUH74enx5WUL-xjJ_DZrq2S2_hZjPC0BN2xO2W3ssKmbWm8yEhjmmtWfO4uI4zuysSW7SVgsGa7HWCoBHZDgOZ8/s1600/003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9CyRt7qU_xGV8yk2QZH543P4WUiOnHPxTgi9sz_t6CKHX6ezjHAbxlUH74enx5WUL-xjJ_DZrq2S2_hZjPC0BN2xO2W3ssKmbWm8yEhjmmtWfO4uI4zuysSW7SVgsGa7HWCoBHZDgOZ8/s1600/003.jpg" height="640" width="452" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-48804123976881582632014-06-03T02:32:00.002-07:002014-06-03T02:32:21.515-07:00Umezeala<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="RO">Doctore, am fost la dumneavoastră acum vreo trei ani şi
mi-aţi spus să mă feresc de umezeală.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="RO">- Da, da, îmi amintesc.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="RO"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">- Am venit să vă întreb dacă pot să fac o baie.</span></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-54204926709212644422014-06-03T02:32:00.001-07:002014-06-03T02:32:10.526-07:00Pe tren<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;">Doi politisti intra intr-un compartiment al trenului:</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;">- Arme? Bani? Droguri?</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;">- Nu, multumesc. O cafea, va rog...</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;"> </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-80637764360429323062014-06-03T02:32:00.000-07:002014-06-03T02:32:00.864-07:00Varsta<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="RO">- Ce vârstă aveţi?</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="RO">-28 de ani.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="RO">- Aşa aţi spus şi la ultimul control, acum 2 ani.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="RO"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">- Sunt consecventă, domnule doctor.</span></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-23948619788997835262014-06-03T02:31:00.000-07:002014-06-03T02:31:48.117-07:00Pe tine cum te cheama ?<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="RO">- Doctore, sunt foarte îngrijorat: soţia mea vorbeşte în
somn.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="RO">- Nu-i nimic grav...</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="RO"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">- Dar ea repetă: Mai repede, mai repede, Gică! Doar că pe
mine mă cheamă Nelu!</span></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-81238765888563103042014-05-29T22:43:00.004-07:002014-05-29T22:43:56.401-07:00Boli venerice<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Maria se prezinta vânata la
politie si reclama ca a fost batuta si violata de Ion. Ea ii povesteste politistului
ca se intorceau noaptea de la discoteca si ca, la intoarcere, Ion a
trantit-o de mai multe ori in lanul de grau si a violat-o.
Politistul o asculta atent si decide ca se impune o reconstituire. Cand ajung
la camp, Maria ii spune:</span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"> - Uite, aici m-a violat prima data.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"> Politistul se culca cu Maria. Mai merg vreo
10 metri, dupa care Maria din nou:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"> - Aici m-a violat a doua oara....</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"> Politistul se culca din nou cu Maria si
tot asa pana se termina lanul de grau. La un moment dat
politistul, istovit, abia putand sa stea pe picioare, o intreaba:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"> - Bine, bine, dar cand te-a batut?</span><br />
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> - Cand i-am spus ca am SIDA.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-31215130609757833852014-05-29T22:43:00.001-07:002014-05-29T22:43:09.786-07:00Colonie de nudisti<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><b><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Un bărbat se înscrie la un select club de
nudişti. In prima ziacolo, isi scoate hainele si începe sa se uite prin
jurul sau. O miniona blonda, superba, trece pe acolo si bărbatul are
imediat o erecţie. Femeia observa, se apropie de el si il întreabă:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">-M-ai chemat ?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Bărbatul răspunde:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">-Nu, ce vrei sa spui ?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Blonda răspunde:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">-Tu trebuie sa fii nou pe aici. Lasa-ma sa-ti
explic, e o regula aici care zice ca daca ai o erecţie, înseamnă ca m-ai
chemat.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Zâmbind, ea il conduce spre marginea piscinei,
se întinde pe un prosop, nerabdatoare il trage spre ea si il lasa sa
o "faca" cum vrea el.Bărbatul continua sa exploreze facilitatile
clubului. Intra la sauna si, cum statea jos, trage o basina.In câteva
clipe un uriaş păros iese din sauna, vine la omul nostru si il întreabă:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">-M-ai chemat ?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">-Nu, ce vrei sa spui?, răspunde noul membru.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">-Tu trebuie sa fii nou aici. E o regula care
spune ca daca te basesti, înseamnă ca m-ai chemat.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Uriaşul paros il intoarce cu usurinta, il
apleaca pe o banca si il "face" in felul lui. Zapacit, omul se
intoarce la biroul coloniei, unde este intimpinat cu un zambet larg de
receptionera dezbracata.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">-Pot sa va ajut? intreaba receptionera.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Barbatul urla:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">-Uite cardul de membru, iata si cheia si poti
pastra cei 500 $ taxa de membru!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">-Dar, domnule, ati fost aici doar pentru cateva
ore, nu ati avut sansa sa vedeti toate facilitatile clubului !</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Barbatul raspunde:</span><br />
</b><span style="background-color: white;"><b>-Asculta, doamna, am 62 de ani. Am o erectie pe
luna, dar ma basesc de 15 ori pe zi.</b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-17096075903005714842014-05-29T00:34:00.001-07:002014-05-29T00:34:02.278-07:00Intrebari si raspunsuri ...<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">I. Ce este viata? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">R. Cea mai raspandita boala transmisa pe
cale sexuala... </span><br />
<br /><span style="background-color: white;">I. Care este diferenta dintre un taur si un bou
? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">R. Taurul poate deveni tata, pe cand boul
numai unchi.</span><br /><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I. Care este cel mai periculos loc din
lume? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">R. Patul. Acolo mor 80% dintre
oameni. </span><br /><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I. In cate grupe se impart femeile?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">R. Femeile se impart in trei grupe:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- elastice (se intind cat tine patul).</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- supraelastice (se intind si prin alte paturi).</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- credincioase (se intind pana la Dumnezeu) .</span><br /><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I. De ce sunt mai multi purici
decat oameni?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">R. Pentru ca este greu sa fabrici niste
prezervative asa de mici.</span></span></b></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Ce spune
spermatozoidul care fuge dupa un ovul ?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Daca te prind, om te fac !</span></span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="background: white;"><br /></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Care an dureaza numai o
zi ?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Anul Nou !</span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. E adevarat ca barbatii
impotenti traiesc mult ?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Da, dar degeaba.</span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Prin ce se deosebeste
ariciul de aricioaica ?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Ariciul are o teapa in plus.</span></span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="background: white;"><br /></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Prin ce se deosebeste un
om de o camila ?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Camila poate sa lucreze o saptamana fara sa
bea, iar omul poate sa bea o saptamana fara sa lucreze</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Prin ce se deosebeste
sexul frantzuzesc de cel romanesc ?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Francezii fac sex fara lenjeria de corp, iar
romanii fara lenjeria de pat.</span></span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="background: white;"><br /></span></span></span></b>
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I. De ce stau gainile pe gard?</span></b></span><span style="line-height: 18px;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><span style="background-color: white;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">R. Sa le vada cocosii copanele..</span></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. De ce l-a creat Dumnezeu
primul pe Adam?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Ca sa poata vorbi pana aparea si Eva.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"><br /></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background: white;">I. Care este, in zilele noastre, cea mai
obisnuita formula de cerere in casatorie?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Dumnezeule, sa nu-mi spui ca ai ramas
insarcinata ...</span></span></b></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background: white;"><br /></span></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Ce facea Mesterul Manole
cand o zidea pe sotia lui, Ana?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Body-building.</span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Cum se cheama un barbat
inteligent in America ?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Turist.</span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. De ce a creat Dumnezeu
barbatul?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Pentru ca vibratorul nu poate sa aduca bani
acasa.</span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Care este asemanarea
dintre un barbat si un storcator de fructe? </span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Ai nevoie de el, dar nu esti sigura pentru
ce.</span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Care este diferenta
dintre o amanta si o sotie?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. 30 de kilograme.</span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Care este diferenta
dintre un amant si un sot?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. 30 - 45 de minute.</span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Care este asemanarea
dintre o masina noua si un sot?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Ambele functioneaza bine doar in primul an. </span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. La ce e mai usor sa
renunti: la vin sau la femei?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Depinde de vechime.</span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. De ce au uraganele nume
de femei?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Pentru ca vin umede si salbatice si pleaca cu
casa si masina.</span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Stiti cum se numeste o
secretara lasata insarcinata de catre sefulei ?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. BOSSUMFLATA ..</span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Ce fac pestii cand sunt
multi?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R. Bancuri .</span><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">I. Cum canta cucu` in
America ?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">R.With - with !</span></span></span></b></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-31947616329898675182014-05-27T23:48:00.002-07:002014-05-27T23:48:38.262-07:00Diverse <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">Un tip intră în cabinetul
unui doctor.</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Doctore, doctore... îmi cade părul!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Ieşi afară, abia s-a măturat!</span><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">- Prietene, te-am văzut la
TV aseară!</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Da? Pe ce canal?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Pe Animal Planet.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">Doi ciobani:</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Gheorghe, am găsit o modalitate ca să nu-ţi
mai miroasă urât ciorapii!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Care, mă?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Nu-i mai porţi!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">Un intelectual adevărat niciodată nu va spune
"Proastă ai fost, proastă ai rămas", ci va spune "Timpul nu are
putere asupra ta!"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">Mare atenţie când cumpăraţi ceva prin eBay!
Vecinul meu mi-a spus că a plătit 60 euro prin eBay pentru "Mărire de
Penis". Nemernicii i-au trimis o lupă!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">În magazinul nostru, vizitaţi raionul
"Totul pentru fotbal". Acolo vă puteţi cumpăra ţigări, bere şi
televizor...</span><br />
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<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">Un bărbat se confesează unui
prieten:</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Cred că voi divorţa. Nu mai pot, soţia mea e
prea copilaroasă.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- De ce? întrebă celălalt.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- De câte ori fac baie, vine pe la spate şi îmi
îneacă toate răţuştele din cadă.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">În metrou, o duduie
indignată îl apostrofează pe un negru care stătea 1liniştit pe scaun:</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">- La noi, în România, doamnele stau pe scaun,
iar tinerii ca tine stau în picioare!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- La noi, în Africa, băieţii ca mine stau în
jurul focului, iar doamnele ca tine stau în cazan, la fiert!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">Doi poliţişti (unul mai bătrân, celălalt mai
tânăr) stăteau ascunşi cu</span> <span style="background: white;">radarul, când
văd venind, tare, un X6.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Bă, ce tare vine asta, zise ăla mai bătrân.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Cu cât vine? întreabă ăla mai tânăr.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Cam cu 200 de euro!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">Ora 3 dimineaţa, după aniversarea a 20 de ani de
la căsătorie...</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Ea, veselă, strânge masa, fredonând; el, machit,
picoteşte în fotoliu.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Ea: Îţi aduci aminte, dragă, de-acum 20 de ani?
Am ieşit din biserică...</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">El: Aha...</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Ea: Eu am alergat în parc... Tu ai venit după
mine...</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">El: Aha...</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Ea: M-ai ajuns din urmă... M-ai strâns de
mijloc...</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">El: Da, fir-aş al dracu'! Mai bine te strângeam
de gât! Tot 20 de ani luam, da' acum eram liber...</span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 115%;">- Alinuţa, ştii, în eseul
"Cum mi-am petrecut vara" nu este obligatoriu să desenezi şi
poziţiile!</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Ea avea 18, el 30. Erau singuri. Ea ştia ce va
face el acum. El s-a aplecat uşor asupra ei, ea a început toată să tremure.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Mi-e frică, a soptit ea.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Să nu-ţi fie, a spus el.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">-Apoi i-a extras dintele.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Tată, am de gând să-mi bag un cercel în nas.
Ce crezi?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Cred că o să te ajut să-ţi faci bagajele.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Un bărbat şi soţia sa stăteau la masă. Deodată
bărbatul zice:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Te iubesc!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Vorbeşti tu sau berea?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Vorbesc eu... cu berea!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">De ce există atâtea organizaţii împotriva
hainelor de blană şi nici una împotriva hainelor de piele? Pentru că e mai
simplu să hărţuieşti femeile bogate decât găştile de motociclişti !</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Ar trebui să dai întotdeauna 100% la locul de
muncă. 12% luni, 23% marţi, 40% miercuri, 20% joi, 5% vineri...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Oricine are dreptul să fie idiot, numai că unii
profită prea mult de acest privilegiu.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Un grup de marinari pe un vapor. Furtună la un
moment dat. Unul strigă:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Bă Vasile, zi-i lu' ăla de pe catarg să de jos
parâmele.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Bă, tu de acolo! Dă jos parâmele!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Nimic.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Bă, tu nu auzi, dă mă jos parâmele!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Bă Vasile, ăla nu te înţelege că e englez,
vorbeşte-i în engleză!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- A, aha!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Hey! Do you speak English?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Yeah!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Atunci dă, bă, jos parâmele, bă!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Un american şi un român sunt
cazaţi în aceeaşi cameră, de la etajul 30 al unui hotel. A doua zi românul zace
zdrobit pe asfalt. La anchetă americanul a declarat că se cunoscuseră la
recepţie. Americanul</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <span style="background-color: white;">declară:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Eu am urcat cu liftul ca la noi, românul pe
jos, ca la ei. Am coborât împreună la bar. Eu mi-am luat pe genunchi o blondă,
ca la noi, iar el o brunetă, ca la ei. Am urcat sus cu fetele. Când au venit</span>
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">soţii lor eu am scos pistolul, ca la noi, iar el
s-a aruncat pe geam, ca la ei.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355862659248670904.post-82027565348575756142014-05-27T06:17:00.002-07:002014-05-27T06:17:50.391-07:00Cu politisti<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Un
politist opreste un student pe strada pentru a-i verifica actele:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Asa, vad ca nu lucram...</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Asa este.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Inseamna ca trandavim pe
banii statului...</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Exact, trandavim.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Se pare ca suntem studenti?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Ei, cu asta nu pot sa fiu de acord!
Student sunt numai eu!</span><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"> Un politist
se duce la magazin si intreaba vanzatorul:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Domnule aveti televizoare color?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Da avem!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Atunci dati-mi si mie unul verde!</span><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">Politistul soseste la locul unui accident
de circulatie si incepe sa noteze datele martorilor.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Ce ocupatie aveti? il intreaba pe un barbat
mai in varsta.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Sunt arheolog, raspunde acesta. </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Spuneti-mi in romaneste, va rog.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Bine, spune barbatul, scrieti ca ma ocup
cu sapaturile.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Politistul se gandeste o clipa si se decide:</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Bine: zilier.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;"> Doi politisti calatoresc cu trenul.
Pentru ca le este foarte sete merg in vagonul restaurant dar nu gasesc
decat apa minerala. Unul dintre ei soarbe o gura si chiar in momentul acela
trenul intra intr-un tunel.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Cum e? intreaba celalalt.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Nu cumva sa bei din ea! Deja am
orbit.</span><br />
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<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Ora 23.57. Intr-o
intersectie se intalnesc doi politisti. Unul din ei aprinde o tigara,
trage din ea si tace. Al doilea dupa un timp de tacere spune catre
primul: </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Ba! Tu stii care este capitala
Angliei?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Da! Paris. De ce? </span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Credeam ca nu stii!</span><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"> - Ce-ar fi
sa trec strada pe rosu, zice un pieton catre un politist. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - N-ar fi nimic dar sa nu uiti sa treci
cu mainile sus. </span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Pai, de ce? </span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Cand ajungi la spital sa poata
asistentele sa-ti scoata camasa mai usor</span><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"> Intr-o intersectie
opreste un conducator auto strain. Nestiind cum sa ajunga unde avea
nevoie, intreaba un politist in mai multe limbi, insa fara succes. Vazind
ca nu scoate nimic de la politist, pleaca mai departe. Dupa aia vine o baba
la politist si ii spune: </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Ai vazut, maica, omu' ala stia atitea
limbi straine!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> La care politistul: </span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Si la ce i-a folosit?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">Dimineata devreme, un tip isi facea
exercitiile fizice intr-un parc, capitolul flotari. Trece un politist si
intreaba: </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Bai, ce faci tu aici? </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Flotari, spune tipul.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">-Flotari? Se confisca!</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;"> Un tractorist a rasturnat remorca cu
lemne chiar in mijlocul strazii. Un politist care era in preajma ii
zice: </span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Ce-ai facut, esti terminat, sa vezi
ce-o sa-ti faca seful...</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Pai stie... </span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - De unde stie? </span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Pai... este sub lemne.</span><br />
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<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"> Politistul
se intalneste cu zana buna care îi spune:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Iti voi implini doua dorinte!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- As dori o halba de bere din care berea sa
nu se termine niciodata!-zise politistul</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Politistul primeste halba si dupa ce o bea vede
ca nu se mai termina. Bucuros isi spune a doua dorinta:</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - As mai dori sa-mi dai inca o halba
ca asta!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Domnule politist, cineva mi-a furat
bicicleta!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Era inca buna?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Da, mergeam cu ea la lucru?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Ati avut clopotel la ea?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Nu.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Frana de mana?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Nu.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Far si ochi de pisica?</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Nu.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Atunci trebuie sa platiti 100
lei amenda!</span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Seful politiei il
cheama pe agentul care avea sarcina sa urmareasca un infractor cunoscut,
banuit de crima si pe care l-a pierdut.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Cum ti-a scapat? </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- A intrat la cinema. </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Si de ce nu ai intrat dupa el? </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Eu mai vazusem filmul acela de mai
multe ori</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Un proaspat politist, de-abia iesit
de pe bancile Academiei de Politie, a fost insarcinat sa ancheteze o
spargere. S-a inapoiat la sectie si a raportat: </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Domnule capitan, de la magazinul spart
s-au furat doua cartuse de Kent si trei kilograme de morcovi. </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Si ai vreun suspect? </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- Nu, dar va trebui sa caut un iepure care
tuseste.</span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"> Trei
politisti stateau de vorba: </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Asa de proasta este nevasta-mea,
zice primul, ca inchiriaza videocasete si noi nici macar nu avem
video. </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">- A mea, zice al doilea, e si mai proasta,
a cumparat detergent de spalat vase si noi nici nu avem masina de spalat
vase... </span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> - Ale voastre nu sint nimic, zice al
treilea, eu am fost cu nevasta-mea la supermarket sa faca cumparaturi si
ea si-a luat 20 de prezervative pentru vacanta... Va dati seama
ce proasta, ca eu nici nu ma duc cu ea.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">Cite bancuri cu
politisti sunt? Unul sau doua, ca restul sunt adevarate.</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18256510107894342561noreply@blogger.com0